Save Your F*cks

Our time on earth is limited. Losing my mom smacked me in the face with that little tid bit of reality. I mean I always knew this day was coming at some point when she was old and gray and lived a full life and all that. So, when it happened the way it did, it just completely rattled my world. 

This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. My mom is not dying. Just an overwhelming amount of panic and fear and anger and sadness and everything in between racing through your veins. All of your biggest fears crashing into to one another. The perfect storm. 

I’ve had to say it over and over and over to myself. My mom is dead. 

It still doesn’t feel real to say it. 

Losing her, though, has opened my eyes to things that I have wasted so much time on. The amount of time that I have wasted on caring about things that I didn’t need to care about is astounding. Just years of wasted energy on pointless things, some of which were completely out of my control.  

For example, as I’ve mentioned before, I spent years struggling with my body image and just hating myself for it. I’ve just been horribly mean to myself about it. I’ve said things to myself that I would never say to another person. Just mean. I have wasted so much time just hating on myself. 

I’ve also wasted time on caring what other people think, believe it or not. I have not done things before that I wanted to because of fear. Fear of what people would think or say. Like with singing. I love singing. But I never pursued it because I was so scared of the judgement. I just gave way too many fucks about what other people thought I should do or who I should be or if I’m too loud or not lady-like enough or too much or whatever the fuck else. I cared way too much about that. I was just giving my fucks away to everyone.

What a complete waste of time. 

Now, I have learned to save my fucks for things that matter. 

I learned this from one of my all-time favorite books, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”.

It truly makes a difference. When you start prioritizing things that truly matter to you and you start putting your energy towards that, the other things start to fade away.

When I started my business and realized how much I love it, I quickly learned that other people’s opinions are not paying my bills. So, they no longer get a stake in my mental space. 

I had to find my “things” that mattered to me. I had to find my “why” for what I am doing with my life. I had to find my reasons for what I am doing now and once I did, the game changed. 

As hard as I have been on myself and my body, it took all this for me to finally wake up and realize that if I want a better body image, then I need to fix that. It is no one else’s responsibility. I need to make the changes, like hiring a trainer and cooking healthier. I had to stop whining about it and wasting fucks on it and start doing things to change it. 

With my business, I had to learn that I am the one responsible for it. So, I had to quit fearing what other people thought about it. I am the captain of this ship, so I had to woman up and start making decisions without other people’s opinions.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it takes a village to build something. Whether it’s raising children, building a family, running a ranch, running a business, etc. it still takes a village. That is always true and it’s important. 

So, I am not talking about the village people in life. Those people matter and are very important. I’m talking about the cheap seats people. The people who always have opinions, often negative ones, about your life and how you should run it. These people are the ones we know longer waste our fucks on. 

Because the truth is, they don’t matter. 

When I was saying goodbye to my mom, for the last time, it smacked me in the face. So many things just simple don’t matter. 

Someone doesn’t like you? Ok, cool. They are just not your tribe and that’s ok. Someone talked shit about you behind your back? Welp, not always fun to hear but if you are living your truth and being the best version of yourself, then, truly, the shit-talking just doesn’t matter. It sucks. But it doesn’t matter. The sooner I accepted this, the better my life got. 

So, save your fucks for things that matter to you: faith, family, friends, health, marriage, parenting, business, and happiness. That’s where my fucks are at. 

Think about where your fucks are. Are they focused on things that matter? Or things that are simply wasting time?

Figure out where your fucks are and where you want them to be. Then adjust accordingly. 

Save your fucks for things that matter. 

Happy trails,

Em