On the Spectrum

Those words were not easy to hear.

We’ve all heard it. We all sort of know what that means. But we don’t REALLY know what it’s like to have a child “on the spectrum”, until you have a child on the spectrum.

Enter, Theodore.

My precious little boy, Mr. Theodore, has been presented with some new opportunities as of late.

I first thought all of the behavior outbursts were due to his daddy being deployed, which has been very hard on him, but then things just started to progress and I knew something else was going on.

So, we went to the doctor, met with teachers, filled out the forms, and we’re still in the process of all of it, but the general consensus is that Theodore is most definitely on the spectrum.

Heartbreak.

That's all I felt initially. And I can’t really explain why. Theodore is a healthy, happy, vibrant, funny, I could go on and on, perfect little boy. I shouldn’t feel sad. But I did. I felt sad about the extra challenges that he may face. I felt sad about someone teasing him one day. I felt sad about what if he never finds someone to love him for him. Just sad. As a mother.

And then I was wonderfully reminded of my trip to New York last fall, where I met real survivors of the 9/11 terrorist attacks who have moved on and created beautiful lives. And I am always slapped across the face with, “this is not that bad”.

So, buckle up, buttercup. We’re going learnin'!

Down the rabbit hole I go!

Oh boy, when I began this research of aspergers, I went ALL IN! I wanted to know everything I could about it so I can help Theodore as best as I can, without putting him on meds. (I’m pretty anti big pharma so, if we can help it, I do not want him put on meds.)

The more and more I read about this, the more and more grateful I became for other parents out, and single mom’s like me, who are sharing their stories! Whether it’s through blogs, facebook, linktree, etc, I have found so many helpful tips on how to parent a child that’s on the spectrum. And I am so grateful for that!

So, thank you to everyone out there who is sharing their struggles. There are people out there that you are helping, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

What made me pick up on some of these issues with Theodore, you may ask? Well, it started with little things, like his anger. He gets really, really angry and then tries to hit himself. Or he has major sensory issues and gets overwhelmed pretty easily which results in a WWIII meltdown.

It was just behavior issues, but like on steroids.

One of the most common things that I’ve read that helps with some of these issues is to be very strict on time. Now, we have a very specific dinner time, bath time, story time, bed time, etc. And that has helped tremendously!!

Also, one thing I have finally learned, and accepted, is that Theodore doesn’t understand sarcasm.

For example, the other day, he dropped his strawberry smoothie on the floor because he wasn’t paying attention. I got mad and said a sarcastic comment. Something like, “Thanks a lot!” (But like “Damn it. Thanks a lot. Now I have to clean that up!” hehe)

He looked at me dead-ass serious and said, “You’re welcome.”

…………….

…………………

……………………….

I thought fire was going to start coming out of my ears.

You guys…..he said you’re welcome.

I was like (in my head) you motherfucker.

Aggressive. I know. But I was fucking pissed.

Well, again, thanks to research and therapy and other people’s stories, now I understand that Theodore doesn’t understand sarcasm.

So, to him, when I said, “Thank you”, his response, “You’re welcome”, was actually correct.

But he doesn’t get social cues and stuff like that, so it’s really confusing…..for everyone involved. Thank God we all have a great sense of humor about all this.

Now that I have learned so much about all this and who he is, I see him differently. I see his little brain the way it is, instead of the way mine is. And I have made changes to accommodate that. However, we still work on how he needs to learn to function in society. There are social cues he will need to learn someday and there are rules.

Theodore LOVES rules, by the way. Seriously. He follows them rigidly and he loses his mind if people do not follow them…….all of you should be laughing hysterically right now at the comedic level of this. My son loves rules. MY son loves rules. What in the fuck is happening……

Anyways, I digress.

Now, I can wholeheartedly tell you that I don’t feel sad about this at all. Now, I have the tools I need to help guide him and I’m getting extra help when I need it. Yes, it has its challenges, but once you know better, you can do better. And knowledge is power, man.

Just the simple understanding of how his little brain works a little bit differently was a game changer.

Just making simple changes, like setting up specific times for things. Or directly communicating to him so he understands, instead of just assuming that he will figure it out. Sometimes, Theodore can’t “figure it out” on his own, he needs specific instructions. Like, step by step instructions.

Now that I have figured that out, it’s made our lives so much better. And, I’ve learned that being on the spectrum just means that my little boy has extra feelings and just needs some extra lovin’. Also, it makes total sense to me why God gave Theodore to me. If anyone understands extra feelings, it’s me!

Plus, truth be told, I think my mom was on the spectrum and I think I could be too. At least that’s what I told Theodore and I will tell him that forever. Because then he said, “So, like we all have it? That’s pretty cool!”

That is pretty cool, my sweet boy, just like you!

So, follow me as I figure out my way through this new journey! I’m sure it will be eventful!

Happy Trails,

Em