One Year Later…

It’s amazing to me what can happen in a year. Last year, around this time, I was gearing up for my shark trip. My plan was to go swimming with sharks (in a cage) at Guadalupe Island, Mexico. The thought of swimming with great white sharks scared me so much that it made it impossible to be sad. And I was really sad because it was coming up on when everything went down with my mom and I needed a distraction. Hence…swimming with sharks.

But, God had other plans. Instead, he decided to elect me as mayor of Crazytown.

Why I say this, is my mom started coming to me in my dreams, and she’s the reason I went to New York. Now, you could just call this a coincidence or whatever, but everything that unfolded on that trip is too unbelievable to me for it to be anything other than a higher power.

I mean, too many things happened!!! I met Julie Sweeney, a widow because of 9/11. I got to go down behind the scenes and meet real survivors from that day. By doing that, I was able to meet real life heros, survivors, and life-changing people. I was able to meet other lupus warriors at a lupus center and finally accept my illness. I was able to scream, cry, yell, and grieve my mom. Everyone there was grieving too. It was fucking sad, but it was the most powerful fucking thing I have EVER experienced in my life. I mean, obviously…I wrote a book about it!!!

In Central Park.

In a day.

I just sat down and started to write. (I have never been more convinced of the Holy Spirit in my life and I maintain that I never wrote my book, the Holy Spirit did.) Again, I humbly accept my position as mayor of Crazytown.

hehehehe…I kid, I kid.

I joke about that because when you talk about this stuff it’s just so easy to write people off and call them crazy because it’s really hard to accept that there’s a higher power. It really is. I honestly don’t know if I would’ve ever truly accepted that had I not had that moment in NYC; when the clouds parted and my mom came and hugged me.

I get it. You hear that and you want to think, “that’s crazy”. If I heard that, I would’ve said that, too. 100%. And then it happened to me and now I understand why once it happens you never go back. Because it’s so real. That moment for me was so real I fully thought I was having a psychotic break.

I mean, I was standing on the shore of the Hudson River, it was storming like crazy, you couldn’t see the 9/11 lights, and I was crying out to the heavens for help and needing a sign. And it just quit raining. It quit. fucking. raining. And then my mom was there, not in physical form, but she was there, and she’s the one who told me to lean into this (God) and it’s time to fight (my illness).

After that moment, I stood up stronger than I’d ever felt before in my life.

I came home from that trip a change person. A forever changed person.

I began putting in the work on myself and making the necessary changes to start living a better life. I continued to still not drink. I started taking my health into my own hands and began fasting. I got into meditation and grounding. I got into very clean eating. And, most importantly, I learned to set boundaries. This was the hardest thing for me to learn, but once I did, I’ve never looked back.

Setting boundaries for me allowed me to create the peace in my life that I needed to heal. It allowed me to remove people from my life that were preventing me from healing. And even though this is not a fun thing to do, I have learned how powerful it is. Once I started noticing how much better my internal peace started getting, I started getting fierce about my boundaries and I recommend that for anyone.

We’re kind of taught that we’re just supposed to allow people to treat us poorly because it’s the “nice” thing to do or something. But, I’m learning that that’s not the case. If someone is hurting you, even if it’s just hurting your feelings, you don’t have to be around that. You really don’t. Set a boundary, and protect it. It’s life-changing.

I’ve just learned so many things this year, and for the first time ever, I really leaned into that. I wasn’t afraid of new challenges that were presented, I wasn’t too scared to try new things, and I just dove into my spirituality. I began studying His word, doing my best to follow his plan, and praying like my life depends on it.

I started learning that before I was just kind of letting life happen to me. I wasn’t really living it. I wasn’t taking life by the horns and making it what it should be.

But now, now I’ve learned this lesson. I finally see how my mom saw life; endless opportunities to celebrate everything. And she never missed a beat.

Now, I do everything I can to make my dreams happen, no matter how scared and nervous I feel inside. For example, I signed a copy of my book along with a letter of gratitude and sent it to Dolly Parton when I was in Nashville. I have reached out to people (like celebrities) on instagram with links to my song. I have even applied to be on certain talk shows about my book!!!

Do I freak out every time before I do these things? Yes. Will I continue to do these things though? Also, yes!

Eventually, one of my crazy moves are going to stick and then it’s all going to happen. I am going to get my book in the right person’s hands and then I will begin my public speaking career of trying to help people heal and love themselves and find Jesus Christ. It’s just going to happen. And I firmly believe that it is my job in the meantime to keep hustling and trying and trust God to bring it all together. Because that guy has come through for me every time since I started following him, so I have all the trust and faith in the world in Him.

However, I do struggle with my patience and His plan. Like, I want it NOW. I want to be doing speeches around the nation NOW. And, what’s funny (and proof of the Holy Spirit) is I have speeches and slideshows and things all ready to go for when this does all happen!!!! I’m not joking. I could get a call tomorrow from someone who is needing a public speaker and I am ready to go. See, this is why I trust in His plan. Why on Earth would I just get these flashes of speeches in my mind and then I write them all down and they’re good to go!!! hehehehehe….That’s Jesus, baby!!!!!

But….I do remind myself that it’s His plan, and so far, he seems to know what he’s doing!!

It’s just crazy to me that all this has went down in a year. Like, what?!!??!?! How is it possible that so many things have just improved in my life and they continue to do so? How was I able to lose 100 pounds naturally? How was I able to start a business on my own? How have I been able to do all this stuff, especially without my mom?! Obviously, it’s all been through God.

And how sweet this new life is with Him!!

Before I had a purpose and something to truly believe in, I was so lost. I was so sad. I was so unhappy. I was so, so lonely.

Now, I have big dreams that I am actually pursuing. I have major milestones of growth under my belt. I have too many blessings to count.

All of this started though once I started seeing myself through His eyes and feeling that kind of love for myself. It truly, truly is life-changing. And, most importantly, life-SAVING!

The only reason I wrote this blog is to share with you that if you are in a tough spot this year, do not lose hope!!! One year later is a very powerful thing to look forward too once you find your purpose. If you are struggling to find your purpose, I know a guy who can probably help you out with that. (look up!)

Just don’t knock it, until you try it. People are awfully lonely in this world. And finding Jesus has completely taken that away for me. I hope it can do that for you, too!

One year from now, I hope to be writing you another blog telling you all about my public speaking endeavors and all the amazing people I’ve yet to meet along the way!!

Cheers to one more year!!

Happy Trails,

Em