Buy the Boat

So, I bought a boat. 

Let me back up. I have always, ALWAYS wanted a boat. I am a lake person, I always have been, but I’ve never actually driven a boat. I just love the lake. I want a lake house some day and dammit I wanted a boat. 

But the thing is, I’ve never owned a boat. I’ve never even driven one. Seriously. I literally know nothing about them. Except that I LOVE THEM. 

So, I bought a boat. 

I made a promise to myself to live more like my mom did and this is my version of that. 

During the summers, Theodore spends the majority of his time with his dad. So, I needed a hobby. Since I don’t go out a whole lot anymore, I needed to find a new one. 

Enter Freedom. 

Freedom is the name of my boat, and she is beautiful. She represents this new phase of my life: finding peace and happiness and freeing my soul. 

Freedom is getting a new look and all Emily-ized. Did you know they make waterproof lights that make the bottom of your boat glow underwater? So, like at nighttime, your boat can glow pink?! Yeah, they make that. And yes, Freedom is going to be rocking that. 

Also, they make pink captains’ hats. They are absolutely adorable and already on their way. 

I mean, you guys. I can’t even. I am obsessed. 

Now, the question could be asked, why a boat? There are a ton of reasons why I should not buy a boat: they can be expensive, they are high maintenance, gas is outrageous, I literally have no idea what I’m doing, and the list goes on. 

So, why a boat? Honestly? 

Because you can’t be sad on a boat. 

All jokes aside, from reading previous blogs, you will see that I’ve had a hard time lately. My mom’s death continues to destroy me and it’s the most brutal pain I’ve ever felt. 

So, I became obsessed with finding happiness. It’s all I care about. I want all my people in my life to be genuinely happy and healthy. That’s it. I just want to be happy. Because it’s been a very, very sad winter. 

So back to the boat. I wanted a new challenge this summer to keep me busy and to keep my mind occupied. You know, idle hands and all that. 

When my friends are all out partying somewhere and I’m feeling left out or when I start spiraling about my mom, I go tinker with my boat. My sister thinks it's hilarious. The other day she called me, and I was having a bad mom day, so I googled how to wax a boat and proceeded to do that for the entire afternoon. 

I also learned what the heck a fuse was and how incredibly easy they are to change! 

I mean, just call me Rosie the damn Riveter. 

Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking what the heck is so special about a boat?! 

Let me tell you. 

This boat is another symbol of the positive changes I’ve made in my life. It’s a representation of who I’ve worked so hard to become. It’s another example of facing my fears. Doing it scared. Finding the joy. Living my life out loud and finally finding peace. 

I could gush about this boat for hours. Just ask my tribe. I’m so annoying and I don’t care. 

I mean one minute, I’m googling how to drive a boat, and the next minute I’m yelling at my buddy to unhook the winch from the bow. 

He giggled as I barked those orders at him. 

“Aye, aye! Captain!” he says.

Without missing a beat, I said, “Damn straight!” 

While we were out on the lake, my buddy looked over at me and said he gets it now. He completely understands my passion and excitement about this boat. He mentioned how he’d never seen me at such peace in my entire life. And that’s exactly how I feel. 

The way I feel out on the water in my boat must be how horse lovers feel riding through the pasture for an evening stroll just for the hell of it. 

You see, when I ride a horse, I don’t feel that. I feel nothing but extreme panic and anxiety. I do. I don’t feel peaceful on the back of a horse. That’s just never been a real calming situation in my experience. (Refer back to my blog about my old rodeo days for a good laugh.) And horses can feel that anxious energy, so they don’t trust you either. For me, it’s just the absolute worse. 

I haven’t ever really had my own version of “an evening stroll riding horseback”. My anxiety has always made that a difficult journey. I just don’t feel relaxed that often. Or that’s how it used to be. 

But now that I have found my version of that kind of peace, I get it. I get all the time and energy you put into it. I get why you crave going for a ride in the evening after a stressful day. I crave the same thing. Except for instead of saddling up, I cruise around the lake. 

It’s quite simply the most relaxing feeling I’ve ever experience. It quiets my very noisy mind. I go out often and just sit there and think or write or talk to my mom or talk to God. Everything just flows out there. 

This is my Mayberry. 

Learning all about this new way of life was not an easy task and could not have happened without my circle. I had so many good friends swoop in and help train me every step of the way. It has been such a fun new challenge and I’m so grateful to every one of them for being a part of it. 

I mostly wrote this blog as a reminder to myself down the road. I can’t believe I spent so many summers without a boat just because I was too scared to learn about it. Especially when I feel the joy it brings me now. 

I also can’t believe I haven’t done things in life because of my fear of other people’s opinions. I was too scared of what they’d think. So, I stopped singing so much and I never bought a boat. 

Shame on me for doing that to myself. Letting fear and other people dictate my happiness. What a waste. 

As I’ve said before, swim with the sharks, fly the plane and buy the boat. 

You will always be scared of something at some point in life and there will always be judgement from people in the cheap seats but pursue your happiness anyways. 

Find your “Freedom”. We all deserve it. 

Happy Trails, 

Em