Welcome to the Sh*t Show

Ever since I bought my boat, I have had so many people tell me things like, “You know they say the only 2 good days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.” Everyone tells me that they are nothing but money pits and a constant shit show. 

And let me tell you…I AM HERE FOR IT!!

I am going to tell you all about my boating shenanigans and the beginning of my new shit shows. 

So, the other day, I had an appointment for my boat in Bismarck and as I’m driving there, I blew a tire on the boat trailer. 

That has never happened to me before!! I have never been driving a trailer that has blown a tire. And it sounded like a freaking canon going off and scared the bejeezus out of me. I pulled over to the side of the interstate and began having a panic attack. It was just an adrenaline rush and truly scared me. In my state of panic, ironically, I called my ex-husband. He has always known how to talk me out of those, and he didn’t fail me this time either. He walked me through what to do: get my boat off the interstate (totally destroying my rim), find my jack, how to set it up, etc. 

While I was doing that, and still crying, my faith was once again restored in humanity. A father and son stopped to help me. He came over to me and said I looked like I was having a hard time. As I wiped the tears and snot off my face, I jokingly said what gives you that idea?! 

He proceeded to take the tire off for me and loaded it in my pickup. He told me where to go change it and recommended I buy a spare. They were wonderful and kind, and truly took time out of their day to help me. To that father and son, thank you very much. 

I went to the tire store, got my tires and then realized I needed a different type of wrench thing to tighten the bolts on my boat tires since the one I have is only for my pickup tires. So, I had to ask for that and I am going to tell you how that conversation went…

Me: “Excuse me, I need a wrench thing to change my boat tires, but it needs to be like that metal thing that looks like a compass or like an X with different sizes on the end for different bolt sizes. You know what I’m talking about? 

Older male worker: *giggling hysterically at me* “Yeah. I think I know what you mean.” (sarcastically)

He walks over and grabs the wrench. 

“For the record” he says, “this is called a T-wrench.” 

He asked me who was helping me change my tires. I told him I was. And you guys…I wish I would’ve recorded his reaction. “Are you sure?” he said with very much concern. “Yep.” As I grabbed my t-wrench and headed out. 

I proceeded to change both boat trailer tires, since the other was one was worn too, and I did it all by myself. What a cool feeling. I told you guys, Rosie the damn Riveter. 

A few days after the tire shit show, I head to the lake with one of my besties and her wonderful boys. The whole weekend was a complete shit show and now is one of the funniest stories of my life. 

Let me explain. 

We rolled into McKenzie Bay Saturday afternoon and got our camping spots. Well, someone was in my spot, so I had to drive around these camp sites asking for this gentleman to move his pickup. I eventually found him and got into my spot. Shortly after that, my girlfriend’s little dog went missing. We were looking for her for over an hour and getting scared, until a neighbor, (Who we already knew from Killdeer!) ended up finding the dog! Whew!!

So, my girlfriend continued to set up her campsite and I took my boat out for my first solo ride ever. I don’t ever take the boat out alone on the big lake, so I used this time to do it knowing she was back at the dock. Thankfully I did it like that because while I was out there, my boat wouldn’t start. I flagged someone down to come help me and we got her running! 

Later that night, we were going to make supper on the portable grill and, of course, we can’t get it to work. So, homemade sandwiches had to do. We could not stop laughing at our bad luck and hoped it would be better tomorrow. 

We were wrong. 

The crown jewel of boating of boating incidents happened to me. 

I FORGOT THE DAMN PLUG!!!!

For those of you who don’t know what the plug is, it literally stops your boat from sinking. And I forgot it. 

We start pulling out of the dock, and Freedom just wasn't running right, and I could not figure out why. All the sudden, water comes rushing in my boat! Like where my feet are at under my captain’s chair, is filling with water! 

Thank God I had several people warn me about this, and most importantly, prepare me for it. 

I immediately sprang into action. I grabbed the plug, jumped in Sakakawea, and screwed it in. It wasn’t as glamorous as it sounds though. I jumped in fully clothed, with my ball cap, that just floated away. To screw the plug in, I had to go under water. So, I held my breath, screwed it in, came up for air, grabbed the wrench from my girlfriend, and went back under to tighten it. I crawled back in my boat and slowly trudged back to the dock. While we were trying to get back, my friend’s little boy is jumping up and down and splashing around in the water that’s in the boat. He kept saying, “It’s like a river in here!!” Her other little boy says, “I don’t think it’s supposed to be like this.” No shit. We could not stop laughing. 

I had to trailer my boat again and you guys the amount of water that was pouring out of my boat was hysterical and embarrassing all at the same time. 

While I was standing there absolutely mortified, I was reminded again of humanity. So many people walked by me saying, “Oh! Forgot the plug, huh? Been there before!” Another gentleman came over and he must’ve been a dad or a grandpa because he was so kind and came over to ask me if I was okay as he knows that can be scary. He also told me that every boat out on that water has forgot the plug at some point and “Don’t let anyone tell you any different, young lady.” 

We drained all the water out and unloaded her to head out again. We beached it for several hours and it was wonderful. The boys loved playing on the sandy beach, while my girlfriend and I just got to relax and catch up on life.

We decided it was time to go joyride for a bit, since my boat is so fast and fun! We are cruising for a bit, and we stop in the middle of the lake to swim for a bit, and once again, we can’t get her to start. We flag down another boat, and sure enough, we know them! It was a buddy of mine and some other girlfriends we both knew. You might want to say, what are the odds? But I know. That’s my mom. 

My buddy in the other boat gets on my boat and fiddles with it and gets her started for me. Once again, so grateful for boat people. We waved goodbye and off we went. 

We are now cruising along and all the sudden my boat completely dies. Just shuts off. And no, I didn’t hit the kill switch. It shuts off and will not turn over. Nothing. Freedom was pissed. (I mean, I can't blame her. I literally tried to sink her earlier. I'd be pissed too!)  

So, for the millionth time, we had to flag down another boat. And, again, you guys, WE KNEW THEM!!!!! This time, it was the younger sister of a classmate of ours and her husband!!! We all could not stop laughing. Again, what are the odds?! And again, thank you mom. 

They towed us back to the dock and floated me in there just perfectly. I had to run up and get my pickup and cut in front of other people, who were waiting to unload, because my boat was dead and in the dock. Thankfully, as I continuously apologized to everyone, they all understood, and some people got out of their vehicles to come help me load her up. Normally, you need to give the boat a little gas to get it properly loaded on the trailer and obviously I couldn’t do that, so people were just helping me load it by hand. And the couple that towed us to shore, hooked it up and made sure we were good to go. I hugged everyone that helped, and we were on our way. 

Later on, through Snapchat, my classmate (whose younger sister just rescued us) reached out to me and said, "I told my sister I bet you make her blog!!" 

So, Karolyn, welcome to the blog! 

When I got home that night, my girlfriend called me, and we just laughed about the weekend. It was a complete shit show, and now, one of my fondest memories. 

So, while sometimes life throws you curve balls, you just gotta adjust fire and keep on rolling. Instead of being pissed about my boating issues, I can’t stop focusing on how incredibly helpful everyone was out there.

In life, there’s always gonna be shit. But, if you do it right, you turn that shit into fertilizer and start making it a show!! 

Welcome to the shit show, my friends! Make it a good one. 

Happy Trails, 

Em