In the Meantime
Shoot for the moon! Go after your dreams! What are your goals? And so on and so forth! So many themes that I have written about in my blogs. I am all about trying to help motivate someone just by sharing my story and I like talking about pursuing your dreams because it’s fun as hell when that actually happens!
However, during my most recent meltdown (see previous blog), I forgot about somethings that are very important. Things that happen in the meantime.
We all get so focused on what’s next. What’s my next move? How big is my next house? How fat is my next wallet? What’s next!?
I am so driven by this thought process. Very laser focused. I love setting goals for myself and I love, even more, achieving those goals. I love picturing what’s next! What is my next challenge? What new level am I approaching? Where will I be in my career? You know? Those can be very fun daydreams and great motivators for me, but they are not everything.
The most important things in life, happen in the meantime.
As I mentioned previously, I have been feeling like a crummy mother. I’ve just been caught up in my own grief and that’s made it hard to be an outstanding mom. I mean, there were days where the only thing we ate was mac and cheese. Not my proudest moment, but also not the worst mom choice I’ve ever made, so it’s a horse a piece, I guess.
Well to challenge myself to be a better mom (see, once again, what’s next; gotta be a better mom!), I went and bought a bike so Theodore and I can ride around town in the afternoons. What a joy that has been.
Now, mind you, I am well aware that I am probably the butt of some people’s jokes when they are driving around town and see me huffing and puffing around on my pink little bike where my ass hangs entirely too far over the seat cushion. It’s a tremendous sight to see.
As I’m running out of breath riding uphill, thinking I’m dying, my sweet little boy whizzes by me with his lime green spikey hat on his strider bike yelling at the top of his lungs, “MOM! This is the best day EVEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
And that was it. A precious moment, created in the meantime.
Here I am, the whole time (in my mind), bitching and moaning about how stupid I must look or how painful this is or how much I absolutely hate this fucking bike…and here my son is, having the best day ever with his mama.
That is what he will remember about today. He won’t remember how much that bike cost. He won’t remember if I was too busy working or that I told him no I can’t play with you today because I’m tired, cleaning, etc. Today, he will remember riding our bikes all around town and stopping at McDonalds for an ice cream cone. He will remember today as a good day with his mom. I know this because even after I tucked him into bed tonight and sang him his songs, he gently laid his little boy hand on my cheek and whispered, “Remember when we rode bikes today? That was the coolest. You’re the best mom ever.”
I laid with him a little longer tonight. It was just one of those moments. Happening in the meantime.
Now, trust me! I am the furthest thing from “Best Mom Ever”. Believe me. But, for one moment today, I got to feel that way. For one moment today, Spring was blooming. That little boy’s comment was enough to take every ounce of pain away for one complete moment and allow me to feel nothing but pure joy. I stood in that moment for a very long time today. I needed it and it was as simple as buying a fucking bike.
And that’s when the idea hit me for this blog. The precious moments in life, happen in the meantime. They happen while you are smack dab in the middle of all your shit and when you have a million things going on and a million dreams you want to achieve. That’s when they happen. That’s when siblings create their bonds and have secrets for the first time. That's when first time grandparents get the news of their first grandchild. That’s when young parents are learning to love again after a stressful year of IVF. That's when the single mother is trying to find herself again after a losing herself in the divorce. That’s when children are creating their core memories that help them become who they are. It’s all in the meantime.
We all get so focused on our end goals, that we lose sight of that. I did at least. I was a little too focused on meeting my weight loss goals, expanding my business, exploring more investment opportunities, and other things. I was just constantly looking towards what’s next. That I forgot a little bit about right now.
Granted, having goals and striving to achieve them IS a good thing to do! It’s just not the ONLY to do.
So, for now, while I am slowing putting my pieces back together, I am really focused on living in the meantime. Living in the little moments, like bike rides and Theodore dropping his pants in the middle of the street because he has to go NOW! (see picture inserted)
I will achieve my weight loss goals and I will obtain my business and career goals. These things will happen, little by little, over time. But the main things, the things that matter, well those things, my dear, those things happen in the meantime.
Happy trails,
Em
