Do It Scared

As many of you know, my mom recently passed away. She had triple negative breast cancer and from the time she got diagnosed to the time of her death was only 29 days. It was a devastating blow to our family and has created a void that will never be filled. I never get to call my mom ever again and that is scary. 

My mom was the most vivacious woman I have ever known. Her laugh echoed for miles and her smile could brighten a room. She lived more life in her 60 years than most people can fit into 90. She never said no to a good time and always carried a bottle of wine and wine opener in her suburban, just in case. 

She was also a fighter. Woo! That woman could fight! Not in a physical way, but in an ass-chewing way. She was so intelligent and articulate, and she always knew exactly what she needed to say to make you feel a little bit bad about yourself but to also make you realize you were wrong and needed to buck up. She was a “tough love” type of person and boy did she love hard. Since she loved us all so much is why she chewed our asses because she demanded great things from my siblings and me. 

Of course, there were times in the midst of an ass-chewing that you wanted to be like what in the actual fuck mom. Just Chill. But trust me, if you ever told my mom to chill, you probably should run for your life. She didn’t mess around, especially with her children. Even in the moments when you wanted to be mad at her, you couldn’t. Because she was usually right, too!

She was fierce, strong, brave, harsh, stubborn, kind, loving, funny, and too many other things to list. 

It wasn’t until after her funeral that I learned at times she was also scared. I’ve had conversations with some of her closest friends where they told me about times she was scared, and I can honestly tell you that shocked me. To me, my mom was NEVER scared. Even the day she found out she had cancer, we were all crying and trying to process, and I asked her if she was scared. She told me no and that we are just going to have to figure it out. 

She always knew how to figure things out. And now I know, that even she had to do it scared. 

There have been many things in my life that I have wanted to do but didn’t because I was scared. I was scared of judgement from other people. I was scared of failing. I was scared of being hurt. I have just been scared. Being scared has stopped me from doing things that I have always wanted to do, like swim with sharks. Yes. I want to swim with sharks and years ago I had the opportunity to do so but I chickened out. Because I was scared. I have also always wanted to get my pilot’s license, but I have been too scared. What if I fail the test? What if it doesn’t work out? What if the shark eats me? Well, since I made the choice to live scared, I now don’t have answers to any of those questions. Had I chosen to just do it scared, I could have some answers. I could have an amazing shark story. I could be a private pilot. I could have a lot cooler stories to tell instead of “Oh I wanted to do that, but I was too scared”. 

I was also too scared to start my own business. I knew I always wanted to be some type of an entrepreneur, but I was too scared to take the leap. When I discovered cryotherapy, I knew it was something special and I knew I wanted to make a business out of it, but I had no idea how to do that and once again, I was scared. Plenty of people told me this was a crazy idea and a little “witch-crafty”, so at times I believed them and thought about giving up. I was so fearful of judgement from people and what they were going to think about it. I was honestly so scared of that judgement that I almost didn’t buy my machine. 

Then, I had a conversation with one of my closest friends and his advice changed my life. He told me, “Well, you can just not buy the machine and be in the exact same place you are now and then, down the road, when somebody else has the machine and is successful with it, you can bitch about how that could’ve been you. Problem solved.” That lit a fire under my ass so fast that I called the company and purchased my machine that day. Even though I was scared, I did it anyways. Now, I own a cryospa, have added additional services and am growing every day. I am living my dream because I chose to do it scared. 

So that is one of the lessons I have taken away from my mom’s death. Do it scared. Pursue your dreams that you are too scared to do. Start your business. Even if it fails at first, you will find another way to make it work. Start your blog, even if you are terrified (like me) that people will judge it or mock you. Who cares? What if it helps someone? That is my hope for my blog and if I don’t do it, I will never know. Take the trip that you’ve always wanted to take. Time is precious and it may be the last trip you ever get to take, so go. Have the hard conversations that you need to have. It may be difficult in the moment, but you also might be able to find peace and understanding and figure out a way through your challenges instead of holding onto grudges and resentment. Face the music from your past mistakes, own them, and move on. I have plenty of mistakes that I am not proud of, but I know now that every bad choice I’ve ever made has led to the woman I am today, and for that, I am grateful. 

So, honey, do it scared. It may not be perfect, and it may not be pretty, but for damn sure you’re going to figure it out. 

Swim with the sharks. Fly the damn plane. Do it all, my friends, even if you’re scared. 

Happy trails,

Em